Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
