Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
