Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
