I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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