the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
