Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
