Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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