i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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