my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
