he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
