listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
