Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
