Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
