I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
