What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
a search helicopter?!
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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