I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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