I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
