even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
