I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
