Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
