Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
