ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
