the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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