We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
