she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
