ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
