Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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