he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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