He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
