My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
