So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Couch. On fire.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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