It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
