My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
