I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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