i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Randomize
