idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
