i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
PANTIES FOUND
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
