I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
