i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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