I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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