Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
