just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Randomize
