come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
