Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
did i walk over a car last night?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
