They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
