just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I wish I only lived at night.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
