why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
