That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
