I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
