I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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