brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Randomize
