who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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